America Agrees: Guy Fieri Is Still A Douche
I would like to thank certified douche bag Guy Fieri for being the inspiration for Bazookaluca’s most viewed and sought-after post ever: No More Mr. Douche Guy.
Day after day, through his various vexatious Food Network shows and truly terrible T.G.I. Friday’s commercials, people all across America are directly exposed to Mr. Fieri’s douche-baggery and as a result, feel compelled to commiserate about it with other like-minded souls on the internet.
More often than not, they end up within these sympathetic pages.
And I am proud to offer sanctuary to these protectors of good taste for whom Googling the phrase “guy fieri douche” brings temporary relief and the reassurance that it’s still not socially acceptable to wear your sunglasses so casually on the back of your head without suffering severe repercussions.
So thanks, Guy, for directing traffic to my site. I don’t profit from it financially, per se, but I sleep a lot better at night knowing I’m not alone.
I am not alone.
No More Mr. Douche Guy
That’s right. Guy Fieri.
This dude has no redeeming values whatsoever. He can’t cook, has no palate, and seems to be reduced to eating BBQ and hamburgers all over the country as if that has cultural relevance. What’s worst is that he was chosen to be the Next Food Network Star by winning a popular vote on the show (another reason people shouldn’t be trusted to vote, as stated in my previous blog).
His sense of style is perhaps his most questionable trait. He’s always wearing some sort of bowler shirt, cargo shorts, sandals, an armband and the kind of dragon/skull-inspired jewelry they only sell to misguided goths at Hot Topic. He has spiky bleached hair and a sculpted goatee and always has a pair of sunglasses resting backwards on the back of his fat head.
Dreadful. Truly dreadful.
If you see him on the street or at your local burger joint, please kick him in the nuts for me.
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