The Opposite Of Food Porn

In a move that suggests that Domino’s Pizza is now getting ideas for its menu from This Is Why You’re Fat, the delivery chain recently launched a line of Bread Bowl Pastas; which amount to a pile of “fuck you” to people on the Atkins diet (not to mention Italians and their culture.) 

These carb bombs are available in five different flavors and are no doubt delicious for people who believe that The Olive Garden sends its cooks to Tuscany to learn to cook. 

They also completely nullify the Italian concept of scarpetta (literally, “little shoe”), the ritualistic sweeping of the bowl with a crust of bread to pick up the remaining sauce at the bottom. When the bowl IS the bread, scarpetta is practically futile. Thanks again, Domino’s.

This latest dumbfounding invention brought to mind another gastronomical monstrosity, concocted by a multinational conglomerate to test the boundaries of good taste:

The KFC Famous Bowls - The Chicken & Biscuit Bowl starts with mashed potatoes, layered with sweet kernel corn and loaded with bite-size pieces of crispy chicken. Then it’s topped with homestyle white pepper gravy and sprinkled with a shredded three cheese blend. For the final touch, a buttermilk biscuit is tucked in the side. 

This sensory excercise in flavor distinction is aptly immortalized by Patton Oswalt as “a failure pile in a sadness bowl” in the clip below. 

By the way, I’ve just learned that Domino’s is giving away a free Bread Bowl Pasta from 11AM to 2PM tomorrow at participating stores, so make sure to carb up to the max, on the house!